Friday, April 9, 2010

I have a problem

I am normally a patient guy, who can adapt to most anything that comes my way. When I moved out of Baltimore a few months ago, I took it as a given that when April rolled around I would have the ability to tune in on my favorite baseball team on the local radio station. However, this does not appear to be the case. Budgetary concerns have precluded us from buying cable, so MASN is not on the table. No radio in the house will pick up 105.7, and when I turned to my old friend the Internet, I was aghast at what MLB.Com is doing to fans who can't afford cable and live in broadcast dead zones like Montgomery County. It is possible to stream live video and audio via their website. They also charge way more than what would be considered a fair price for the service. The kicker, which is why I am really pissed, is they blackout local teams. So if I was desperate enough to pay their extortionary fee, I still can't tune in to the game I want to hear. This is the kind of crap that encourages Internet piracy and incites riots. If anyone with knowledge of hacking and/or pirate feeds can help me with this problem I will repay you generously with home crafted beer and/or gustatory delights.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Film Review: Run Fatboy Run

Who else was disappointed when they first saw this movie? Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz are two of the most piss-your-pants hilarious movies to come out in the last 10 years. When I first saw the trailer for this one I was stoked. Simon Pegg trying to train for marathon, Brilliant! My brother and I went to see it during it's first run in the theater. Talk about misleading marketing! Turns out Simon Pegg was just the lead actor in this film, and he had no part in it's creation. It's just a romantic comedy with Simon Pegg cast as the lovable screw-up trying to win his girl back. Ok. I can buy Simon Pegg in that role. And there have certainly been worse offerings in this genre, and it was not unwatchable (as I find most of this genre). However this movie did not live up to my expectations. There are certainly some funny moments, and the cast is good. Thandie Newton does well, and Hank Azaria was well cast as her prick of a new boyfriend. The only reason this movie is better than mediocre is the cast. David Schwimmer made his directoral debut with this movie, and the only thing he brings to the table is the feint stench of melodrama. He sucks, and the world of film would be a better place if decides not to participate in it anymore. I left the theater with my brother feeling betrayed.

I saw it again last night with my wife, and it wasn't too bad. I guess that's because I knew what I was seeing. I enjoyed it this time out- But I couldn't help but wonder how it could be improved if Simon Pegg had more control of the script, and the director wasn't some retard who thinks he is a creative genius. (did I mention how much I hate David Schwimmer?) Nick Frost needed to be in this movie. The actor who played Simon Pegg's best friend, and the how that character was portrayed just seemed out of place. Nick Frost would have fit in better, and their chemistry was missed. Especially during final scenes.

All in all, I wouldn't say this movie is complete shite, but it's not Shaun of Dead or Hot Fuzz. For what it's worth, David Schwimmer's influence was countered by a strong leading cast who are obviously more talented than the wuss of a director.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Movie Reviews: Hamlet 2

Hello loyal readers (both of you)! In an attempt to make this waste of virtual space into something remotely worthwhile, I figured I would give my unique spin on what is being passed off as film these days. I might throw a book or two in here to, providing I ever get time to read again.

Ok, down to business. I heard about this movie in passing. I am not sure about its theatrical run or if it even had one, but it was a movie I thought might appeal to me. The plot of the movie revolves around a broken actor who is now a high school drama teacher played by Steve Coogan. You'd know him if you saw him. He is probably most recognizable these days as the ill-fated British director in Tropic Thunder. Ok, so in order to save the school's drama department, or something like that, he has to put on a kick ass, original production. So he writes a sequel to Hamlet, complete with high sexual overtones, time machines, and the one and only Messiah, Jesus Christ himself. Along the way, his marriage to Katherine Keener is falling apart, he attempts to inspire his new Latino students, and Elizabeth Shue shows up.

I will start with what the film(and I use the term "film" very loosely) does right. There are some funny legitimately funny parts to this movie. The opening scenes that establish Coogan's character as a failed actor are very funny, especially his commercial for Herpes medicine. There are also some small clever one liners that still can't get this film out of its own way.

This movie was not executed very well. There is just way too much going on, and most of it is forced for the plot to stumble along. For one, most of the jokes are tired cliches that have been played out. Katherine Keener's talents are wasted, as her character is irrelevant to the main plot. There's a lot of that going on. To sum it up, Hamlet 2 tries to be a seamless dark comedy with cleverly placed irreverrence. Here is the best description I can give this movie; being in a bar minding your own business, while a depressed former college/high school drama-fag on a 3 day bender prattles on about their lost glory on the stool next to you.

This is just a bad movie. There is not even a redeeming Craptacular moment I can give it. It just sucks which is disapointing because I really wanted to like it.

Friday, February 19, 2010


This year will mark the 100 year anniversary of the passing of one of the most important American writers ever. Samuel Longhorne Clemens, also known as Mark Twain, came of age during one of the most dramatic transitions of our short history. He came of age during the days of the pre-civil war Old South, and matured with the nation as we passed through the industrial age and into the 20th century. His body of work gave us a vivid snapshot of what was going on then. We can measure how far we, as a nation, have progressed socially and culturally (or not) by his pen.

Any activist or literary revisionist who lobbies to censor certain terms from his works sincerely misses the point of why he wrote what he did, and threatens to erase what might be the only honest editorial of a time.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

More Snow

If you can't do anything about it, I guess the best thing to do is relax, throw a couple of logs on the fireplace, and enjoy the peace.

Monday, February 8, 2010


When you're a kid and it snows, it's awesome. When your 32 and it snows, especially like this weekend, it sucks!

Here in the low rent end of Montgomery County, the snow plower didn't show up until about 2am. He also managed to plow everyone in. All the work spent digging cars out was all for nothing as my neighbors and I are greeted this morning by a 4ft. wall of snow blocking our cars.

If I were 10, this would be the greatest week of my life. Since I have to go to work... not so much.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Time to Start a New Blog

Since most folks have to post these self-important rants like anyone gives a rat's ass, I thought I might join in on the fun. This "blog" is in no way intended to provide anything more than one man's cynical editorial on the state of being. If someone is offended by what I have to say. I don't care. I will explain myself but if some is to take offense, please state your case in an intelligent manner. Just calling me an idiot because I said something that goes against current popular opinion is not enough.

It snowed. Anyone living in the DC Metro area knows what kind of understatement that is. I am not sure if the road will be plowed. I don't need to leave the house though. My ever prepared bride has the house and freezer stocked for months.

I promise to write something worthwhile, pertinent, and/or entertaining sometime soon. As for now, I am going to explore this "monetize" tab on the blogspot dashboard.